Starting Over Overseas: Philly to Merida in Less Than 3 Weeks!

Staring at a blank screen, I have so many raw emotions -- I'm not sure where to even begin? But, let's put it this way. Last night, on my way to Lowe's, I hopped in my jeep to pick up doors for the house. And, I remember the crisp wind hitting my face. I had the car windows cracked and the radio was on -- very lightly. And, the smell of the autumn air just HIT ME! And, do you want to know what I did? I remember pulling down the interstate, Black Horse Pike, and suddenly I let out this really primal "yah-hooooooooo!!!" And, it was SO LOUD that afterwards I just turned the radio completely off and drove the rest of the way in silence. The stillness of the ride, and the way that "yah-hoo" reverberated through my soul, throat, nerves -- ME -- just gave me this intense feeling of wanting to cry -- only the tears just pooled inside my sockets and sat there. It's an odd feeling to explain, but my "yah-hoo" felt so out of body that I almost felt like I was tearing a hole in the sky. But, I mean that in the best way. I mean ALL of THIS in the best way! And, suddenly a tear rolled down my face followed by a few more and I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. They call that feeling -- touched by Spirit...

Suddenly, I just became SO HAPPY! Nearly, euphoric if I'm honest? So, I said a quick prayer. All I said was "Thank you Spirit." And, that's when I paused at a red light and quickly turned the radio back up -- full volume -- and started singing the song "Starting Over" by Chris Stapleton. If you've never heard it, boy oh boy -- you need to! It's amazing! But, for those of you who already know the song you can probably just imagine me flowing down the pike singing my heart out...

"Well the road rolls out like a welcome mat

To a better place than the one we’re at

& I ain’t got no kinda plan

But I’ve had all of this town I can stand..."

And as I'm singing, my thoughts are just dancing, and dancing around in my brain. I'm remembering how I grew up in Philadelphia. How things were so amazing. How I was 11-years old and loving every second of life. How my 4 siblings were my best friends. How I loved going with my father to pick up my mom from the hair salon, and the smell of hair dye as I waited for her to finish sweeping up the hair. I remember walking through the fog in the middle of the night, and going inside the bakery -- my father's job. I remember my mom serving us open faced turkey sandwiches the night my father died. I remember the couch he was on. I remember his eyes rising up for air -- mid-seizure -- and his pupils shifting from my mother to something behind her. Something invisible. And, I remember his words "I'm going. I'm going" and him falling back under the realms and drifting away as the sea of life transitioned him to eternity... 

Meanwhile, I'm still singing and still so happy regardless of the flickering images in my mind... 

"And it don’t matter to me

Wherever we are is where I want to be

And Honey, for once in our lives

Let’s take our chances and roll the dice

And I can be your lucky penny

You can be my four-leaf clover

Starting over..."

Shwhoof! Sorry, guys! That got deep! It's just all so crazy when I reflect and think back about so much! I was born and raised in Philadelphia, PA. After my father passed, Papi is what I called him, we eventually moved on up to Jersey! I remember thinking -- WOW! So, SMART -- the schools here. Hahaha! But, none of it was easy. Life was never easy! My mom did an absolutely amazing job raising us after Papi passed. But, she worked her butt off! She had to work double-time, a mother and a father to 5 kids! Oh, and she raised my cousin Donna, so 6! And, I'll never forget eating my father's birthday cake, after he passed away. Eating it for my birthday. His birthday was October 1st, and mine is October 18th so back in 98' we planned to throw him a belated birthday party. But, he died of a heart attack before his party arrived, so we defrosted the cake and used it for my birthday instead. Which was fine. I remember the blue and white icing clear as day. I'll always remember it, and I actually felt honored to eat his birthday cake for my birthday. It feels like a beautiful moment we'll always share. The celebration of life, and the fact that we're all technically statistical miracles when you really think about it -- look it up! I read recently that scientists say the odds of you being born are at least 1 in 400 trillion. So, it felt nice to share a part of our miracle together... 

Fast forward to today, I'm not 12 eating a defrosted cake anymore. I'm 35 with 2 kids of my own. And, October is nearly here. I'll be 36. Geez! Where did the past 24 years go? It's INSANE!? ... Anyway, so much has unfolded in the past 2 years for me. Health issues popping up. Babies being born. Forest fires wafting through to smog up the sunrise. People discussing politics, and me just feeling like I don't want to go through another year of Walmart pushing holiday goodies down my throat 3 months in advance. The consumerism of it all. The struggle of it all. This year, I just wanted to do something different. I wanted to live outside the matrix and feel like I'm living my life my way. Not dying to live, but living to live -- if that makes any sense? So, I decided to move abroad for a while. Just to test the waters, and cherish my time on Earth. I think many of us are so used to the hustle, and flow of daily living that we forget to make time to actually feel alive. We forget to take our time back, and choose happiness right here, right now. And for me? I've never really traveled. But, I started this year. I just woke up one day and said to myself "Hey? Where there's a will, there's a way." And, from there I applied for my resident card so I could fly out to Merida, Mexico and enjoy my time without feeling rushed to leave. I feel like there's sooo many, many details about that process that would probably make for an interesting read in and of itself, but for now... I just have to tell you that my plane leaves on October 13th! That's less than 3 weeks away! I can't even believe it! Oh, and I was driving to Lowe's to get doors because I decided to rent my home and go travel. My family asked a lot of questions, but my plan is nothing that's set in stone. I just want to explore! Besides, there's a saying that goes "Not all who wander, are lost." And, that's me! I just want to see the whole of the Earth, not just a tiny, little piece of it. I say, why not? And you know what? Maybe I won't be privileged to see that much, but maybe I'll get further than I expected? And, I feel like it's worth the memories...

My mother is flying out with me, Chris, and my boys. She said she just has to come along and see this through! But, what she said that really, really stood out to me was this -- she said "Jovana, did you notice your flying out on October 13th? That's the day Papi passed away." ...

A moment of silence... It was like the universe wanted to reach out and poke me!

I completely forgot Papi passed away on October 13th!!! But, you know what? They say God always helps us along our path, and puts signs along the way. It's just that sometimes we aren't listening to Him, or what some call -- the Universe. And, by the way? Would you believe that I finalize my residency on October 18th -- my birthday.